May 2010

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I’ve been running a fair bit lately ahead of the Cork City Marathon next week.

I’ll probably win the f*****g thing.

I was never into running before – I’m usually a triathlon/iron-man kind of guy – so the myriad websites, apps and gadgets that are available to athletes was new me.

Here’s two recommendations for anyone who pulls on a pair of Asics every morning after their bowl of Flahavans.

MapMyRun is a popular and handy site that uses Google Maps to allow you to plot your routes. Here’s a screen-grab of the Pairc Ui Chaoimh-old train tracks-Blackrock Castle loop that’s popular.

So now you know where you’re going, you want an Iphone app to monitor your progress and track pace etc, right?

On the recommendation of Irish Examiner colleague John Riordan, I use RunKeeper.

Free to download, it tracks pace, distance and other stuff during your session.

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You can then send it back to the website, where presumably Facebook sells the data to Rupert Murdoch or something.

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Please mind your toes, reader; there’s quite a big name about to be dropped in a second or two.

Over a coffee in a Limerick city hotel a few years ago, cycling legend Greg Lemond (clang!) told me that the public, traumatic ordeal Floyd Landis put him through was beyond anything the Alps ever threatened.

The eyes that lasered into the back of double-crossing, pantomime villain Bernard Hinault all those years ago, were the same west-coast blue. In his 40s now, he’d fill a pair a yellow jersey more violently. He was greyer too and the Eurosport logo was not, as I remembered, constantly visible over his left shoulder, like a setting sun. But, yes, it was him.

Mid-chat, he quickly rang home to ask one of his children for his email password. As his kid scurried off, loudly tutting his father’s forgetfulness, Lemond placed his hand over the hand-set, twirled his finger around in the air by his forehead and explained to me: “I get these brain farts, y’know’’. I nodded.

Though F Scott Fitzgerald wrote that American lives have no second acts, LeMond long ago folded away the racing bike and forgot the aching glory of Tours de France. And this week too the curtain fell at last on the Californian’s ugly episode with Landis.

First let’s recall 2001; Lemond is about to see his position as America’s pre-eminent rider taken by Armstrong. When Lemond learns that the young superstar is working with Michele Ferrari, an Italian doctor who is about to stand trial for doping charges (he’s cleared) he criticises his compatriot for associating with him. It sparks an angry and ugly spat between the two which rumbles on still.

The pressure on Lemond is unbearable; former fans spit abuse onto the internet, business interests coldly warn him to not derail a gravy train. Lemond, through tears, issues an apology, identifying Armstrong as “a great champion”.

He refuses however to ignore the ubiquitous doping problem which courses through the sport he loves. Landis, a former team-mate of Armstrong’s on the US Postal team, wins the Tour in 2006, only to be caught using banned substances. In a private telephone conversation, Lemond pleads with Landis to come clean for the sake of cycling, before admitting he’d been abused by a family friend as a child. It was secret that had haunted him throughout his life.

Lemond later received a call – the night before he was to testify against Landis – from someone claiming to be his abuser and threatening to disclose Lemond’s secret if he turned up the next day. Shaking with rage, he traced the call on his Blackberry to Landis’ manager Will Geoghan.

The following morning, in a dramatic courtroom moment that could have been drafted in the Law and Order writers’ room, an attorney placed LeMond’s phone beneath an overhead projector and displayed the mystery caller’s number. Humiliated, Landis and his lawyers fired Geoghegan on the spot.

Lemond had stood up to the bullies. But in the war on drugs, one of the sport’s greatest champions was collateral damage. He had never told a soul before Landis of the abuse he suffered as a child. His personal wound now picked apart in public, and with a wonderful career behind him, a real darkness crossed his brow for the first time in years. His marriage disintegrated quickly and he left the family home.

Seven days ago, Landis at last dropped his long-time and flimsy protestations of innocence and confessed to doping throughout his career. He is the only man to ever be stripped of a Tour and, clearly, if his story existed in a vacuum it would be huge.

However, the headlines were set in Livestrong Yellow because Landis became the fifth US Postal team member to implicate his former friend: Lance Armstrong.

Inevitably, this blew a shutter-shaking media storm at Armstrong’s door all this week. The seven-time hero of the Champs Elysee whistled self-consciously and continues to brazen it out/ignore those annoying revelations form those around him.

That’s the big show, ladies and gentlemen. More ink will be spilled on Armstrong’s maillot jaune than oil in the Gulf of Mexico. But that is not our story, today.

No, please instead picture the kitchen of a large, comfortable house in suburban Iowa last Saturday. Lemond’s telephone rings. A familiar voice offers an apology. And Lemond – typically – accepts it immediately, though what’s gone before might warrant more.

Lemond went on to scale his demons, much like every other challenge in his life. When he was shot by his brother-in-law in the off-season after claiming his first Tour, he hung on for life and went on to win two more while dragging 30 pellets in his chest, around France.

When he lost his family, he won them back. When his childhood trauma was exposed cruelly, he set up a foundation for men like him.

“I accepted his apology, but that isn’t really what’s important,” Lemond said after his phone conversation with Landis, “Sincere apologies are for those that make them, not for those to whom they are made. I hope that as a result Floyd can begin rebuilding his life. More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made.”

He might be liable to brain farts; but that sounds right to me.

adrianrussell@examiner.ie Twitter: @adrianrussell

This column first appeared in today’s Irish Examiner newspaper

So, we bought a Flip camera for the sportsdesk here and we’ve been messing about with it, getting used to the software and stuff. It’s a very nice bit of kit for the price – and handily enough – almost fool-proof.

UPDATE: My former Irish Examiner colleague Gavin Sheridan reminded me that we actually bought a very nice kodak Zi8, in the end.

I brought it with me to Broadford, Co Clare for the piece I did with Flan Marsh – the former roofer who invented the wonderful shatter-proof hurley.

He brought a few lads – including Banner senior Brendan ‘Bugsy’ Bugler – down to the club house and we went up to the pitch where I was treated to a full-blooded demonstration.

The footage, here, is pretty ropey, admittedly – but I enjoyed using it for the first time and Flan, and the patent guy who’s helping him with the process, were delighted to have it on Youtube. I’ll know better the next time I suppose.

I’ve a big feature in the pipeline as part of our World Cup coverage and we hope to use the Flip again for that.

In the meantime, have a look at this clip I found on The Story (with thanks to Mark Coughlan).

It’s a profile of a former gridiron star from Eric Seals of the Detroit Free Press. This is the kind of stuff I’d like to think we’ll be producing in the years to come.

Courtney Hawkins comes home to make a difference from Eric Seals on Vimeo.

I haven’t blogged about The King in a few hours, so here you go…

Via Joe Posnanski

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A FORMER rider in standard-issue team colours with neat red hair pinned down under designer shades, Kurt Bogaerts doesn’t really look it – but he drives like Evel Knievel, late for Mass.

The Belgian national is manager of the Sean Kelly/ An Post cycling team, and on the third stage of the recent FBD Insurance Rás, he’s hoping – and planning – for a good day.

The Carrick-on-Suir legend, Kelly founded the team in 2006, basing them in his academy in Belgium. Bogaerts runs the show and most importantly, as I fold myself into the passenger seat, he drives the car. He makes it look easy; it isn’t. Read the rest of this entry »

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If you were shaken from your slumber early last Friday morning by the walls rattling and the sound of a distant crash, it was probably just a giant falling to earth in a land far, far away.

Until now, Lebron James – or The King to you and me – has danced out a fairytale career in professional basketball, in a swoosh-ified world bubbling with expensive champagne. Though without a title, his was a career viewed under the soft lighting of that wonderful commodity: promise. Until now.

White-hot favourites to see off the rough magic of an old Boston outfit, the best-of-seven play-off series ended late on Thursday night, sensationally, after Game Six, with the Celtics winning 94-85, almost beneath a green tide of raw emotion. James seemed to stand alone from the madding, shamrock-wearing crowd.

Seemingly distilled to a hand-on-hips silhouette, it was like studying an unbeaten and seemingly invincible heavyweight in the very instant he drops to the canvas after shipping his maiden knockout blow. As a veteran Buster Douglas threw his arms to the bleachers in unlikely victory, this was Tyson on all fours pawing the canvas for his lost gum-shield, like a short-sighted man searching for his spectacles.

The cameras trailed James into the locker-room. Perhaps on purpose, he generously offered us the glib image we craved as he peeled off the claret-and-gold vest of his hometown club the Cleveland Cavaliers. It’s unlikely he’ll pull the colours over his head again.

Writers often quote a celebrated line of Guy de Maupassant (the 19th century French writer, obviously) as an example of sharp characterisation in fiction.

It goes: “He was an elderly gentleman with ginger whiskers who always somehow made sure he was first through the door.” It works, right? We get the picture. Though not sporting red facial hair, Lebron fit that description in Boston last Thursday night as he exited hurriedly, through stage left.

In July, he becomes a free agent and a lengthy queue has formed outside his door – as New York, Chicago, New Jersey et al carry with them briefcases stuffed full of expectation, pressure and parochial repercussion.

The Boston fans had not been shy in using the native Ohio boy’s reticence to discuss a move in the summer, as an advantage. Throatily singing Frank Sinatra’s New York, New York and chanting slowly ‘Knicker-bock-ers’ ironically, he was embarrassed between each buzzer.

Asked afterwards if he was indeed to bid farewell to those who needed him most – the town of Cleveland which has earned the unwelcome label of ‘choking-est town in America’ through a pattern of failure in a broad spectrum of sports – without bringing home the title that once seemed inevitable, James offered what Woodward and Bernstein would’ve called a ‘non-denial denial’.

But it does now seem that he will hastily pack his bags, reverse the car quietly out the driveway and leave town late at night like he owes his landlord a month’s rent. And it started, like the best hard-luck stories I suppose, so well.

Particularly as Tiger Woods remains caught between sitting shoeless on a shrink’s chaise-lounge and tugging on a set of spikes, it’s easy to say that James is the outstanding athlete now under the earth’s sun. And it’s probably true.

As Shakespeare’s Henry V said before the Battle of Agincourt: We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. Anyone who ever read Darcy Frey’s The Last Shot or watched the wonderful Hoop Dreams documentary will realise that those 10 men who bounce onto the court every night under the harsh glare of arena lights are indeed the lucky few.
The climb to the NBA is a cruelly meritocratic road. Left behind is a hard shoulder of broken promises and wasted talent.

Clawing through the grades and jumping – almost literally – through hoops for scouts, was never James’ journey, however. Though they call the Orlando Magic talisman Dwight Howard ‘Superman’, it was James that seemed to crash in from Krypton, ready to go. He skipped college and announced he was instead to enrol in the school of moderately hard, on-court knocks – the NBA.

In doing so he set himself on track for silly $50 million contracts and billboard-filling endorsements with Nike.
In a twist that seemed drafted on a Marvel comic drawing board, his local team – the middling Cleveland Cavaliers – had first pick in the 2003 draft and, inevitably, they brought their new franchise guy home.

From that coronation, he has become the east’s counterweight to the LA Lakers Kobe Bryant. He seemed to be the
natural successor to his hero Michael Jordan. If I may hop a cliché off the backboard: the world was at his feet.

But, as well as selling more shoes than Jimmy Choo, Jordan won titles. That’s just what he did.

In fact his championship rings stretch to six fingers. James’ mercury-quick hands are yet to be weighed down by one.

The famous old Celtics – a team that speaks in a broad Southy accent to the traditionalist in all of us – march on. They lead Orlando at the time of writing. And, on Tuesday, the Washington Wizards won the annual draft lottery giving them first dibs on the best pretender to the throne.

The king is dead. Long live the king.

Contact: Adrian.russell@examiner.ie Twitter: @adrianrussell

Right, just read Ian Curtis is 30 years dead today. Can’t think of a sport angle – apart from Love Will Tear Us Apart being the tune for a Ryan Giggs chant and also soundtracked a Heineken football ad – so here’s Transmission.

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Watching Kerry’s Kieran Donaghy pluck the ball out of the sky over Thurles today like he was under a backboard, Cork fans might have thought the Rebels could do with LeBron James in and around the small parallelogram this summer.

Luckily, it looks like The King is to leave Cleveland this summer for either New York (the Knickerbockers) or Chicago (Bulls).

If the Nike franchise guy does exit for one of the bigger markets, his last outing as a Cavalier will be a humbling defeat to the Boston Celtics. He has not yet won a championship.

Check out this cool ESPN retrospective on his career to date.

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It’s probably too small, too expensive and in the wrong place. But it is beautiful – and it’s ours.

I went along for the Aviva Stadium opening this morning. After a tour the press were ushered into the very large media room where FAI chief John Delaney and his IRFU counterpart Philip Browne sat at the top table, seemingly, ready to collect the garlands which would surely be thrown at their feet.

Alas, it was not to pass.

A defensive-looking Delaney was compelled to immediately volley back inquiries about the fiasco surrounding the FAI decision to deny Limerick FC the opportunity to play Barcelona.

Likewise, rather than talk about the roaring success that the Aviva evidently is, an unimpressed Browne had to shrug off questions about Eamon Ryan’s plans to snip the IRFU’s purse strings and legislate to make Heineken Cup games free-to-air. This was like asking the father of the bride about a small unpaid debt, right before the speeches on the big day.

But to the stadium itself and the extended version of MTV Cribs that our morning was. We enjoyed a guided tour earlier – and you’d want to be extremely cynical not to be impressed by the facilities.

There’s something about the FAI, in particular, that speaks to the inner grumble in us all, and there was certainly a few grouses regarding the north side of the stadium. Shoe-horned into the old Lansdowne site, that particular goal end holds only 3,000 seated and is bookended by a wall of glass. Personally, I love it. It’s idiosyncratic and unique – though present due to necessity rather than inspiration, it’s ours now – and is instantly recognisable. Many conversion or wayward free kick will hop off it in the future.

And that is what we were looking into. The future.

The same way piano players boast of being trained by a student of a famous maestro or composer. So too sitting into a seat in a stadium – I’ve written about this before – plugs you into a sporting history and connects you with the past.

But yesterday it was more like standing into a flux capacitor. This thing – for better or worse – will be there a long time after we’re not.

The outward shell has already settled comfortably into the capital’s skyline and the thousands of polycarbonate panels that make up the roof’s cladding were shown up perfectly in the early summer sunshine on Dublin 4.

Though my taxi driver afterwards insisted that the stadium is a monument to all that is wrong with both associations (“they didn’t build it big enough to play GAA, who’s excluding who?!”) it really is a special piece of architecture, as you’ll see below.

There’s plenty of leg room in each seat, the views seem good – although I’m uncertain you can see the team benches from the press area in the stand – there’s lots of bars, conference space, two big screens. Oh, and the pitch is lush.

(As an aside, Rick Reilly once wrote about being fed up with preposition golf courses – come play The Florida Experience or The Challenge at the Peaks of Del Frisco – well now we have Punctuation-Fess Football. I realise this is nit-picking on an atomic level, but every newly-erected sign reads something like: The Presidents Room, The Referees Area. Yeah? More than one President and they just hang around. Roy Keane would not approve of this oversight.)

From a fan’s point of view, it’ll probably be a costly night out with ticket prices looking expensive but it’ll be a good one. We’re promised that a pint of Guinness can be pulled in three seconds. When you walk in the concourse to the Atrium (which sounds how one says my name after a few three-second pints) you can see through the glass to the pitch – much like the San Nicola in Bari, for those at the Italy game last year – while there’s a piano upstairs where the Premium level is hosted along with RTE’s stuidio and the conference area.

It’s not quite a home yet. But once it’s full, it’ll be like we were never away.

See pictures, after the jump.
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Perhaps the thing to know about Flan Marsh is this: he couldn’t be broken — just like his hurleys.

In another monochrome week where, it seemed, more than a volcanic ash cloud hung over the island, it’s not a bad way to spend a bright Wednesday afternoon; leaning on a fence outside a GAA clubhouse, talking to someone who’s going to hurl on, regardless of economic realities. And when he presses a hurley into your hands and insists his new design will work, you tend to believe him.

Game on, Ger.

A 36-year-old man from Broadford in Co Clare, Marsh learned his trade well, started a modest roofing venture, and constructed a business on his good name. Hey, for someone happy to work, there were plenty of new homes that needed roofs, right?

Eventually, the houses stopped sprouting like mushrooms, Marsh was compelled to leave his gang of lads go, and the work evaporated. It’s an old song at this stage.
Marsh, however, kept humming. Instead of backing out the van in the morning, he’d plod out to the shed with a mug of tea in his hand and work on his new project. His wife and three girls always knew where to find him.

“I was doing nothing so I said I’d turn my mind to making hurleys. And there was always a safety aspect that I thought I could get into the hurley. So I came up with the idea of making a shatter-safe hurley.

“A friend of mine got 27 stitches one time, with a flying hurley into the top of the head. And I’ve often seen parts of the hurley hitting them into the back and the head. And that was mostly it.”

Marsh leans on his hurley — a freshly-cut piece of ash that is only betrayed as different by a thin gray stripe that weaves through the trunk of the stick like the letters in a stick of rock. As he’s demonstrating its strength and relative lightness, the aforementioned friend — he who suffered the 27-stitch head wound — pulls into the clubhouse yard.

Danny Chaplin is manager of Broadford — who are currently enjoying an era of unprecedented success — and is this year also a selector in Ger ‘Sparrow’ Loughlin’s Clare backroom team. More importantly of course, he is the falling apple to Marsh’s Isaac Newton. He’s an inspiration.

“I thought he was off his head,” Chaplin deadpans, when asked to recall the day his club-mate emerged from his shed with an early prototype.
“Until recently I actually couldn’t see it. I didn’t even believe that it would prevent a bit of a hurley flying away.

“Until I actually saw fellas pulling there a few weeks ago, we used old hurleys and there was bits flying everywhere. But the new ones are amazing.”
With health and safety a blue-chip business these days, Chaplin realises there’s a gap in the market for the unbreakable hurley.

“Kids are taking a big enough risk maybe going out playing hurling. And I know that a lot of parents will be looking at anyway at all they can make it safer. Believe me when two guys clash, the hurleys don’t fly.”

Flan Marsh: roofer-turned-inventor of the noon-shatter hurley

But how would the GAA’s biggest stars – some still pouting in their newly-bought helmets — react to the association insisting they fill their camán with a mystery material. For – spit – health and safety reasons!

“The thing with senior hurlers is that they like their hurleys made in such a place and in such a way. And once they get them then, they’re reluctant to do anything with them,” says Chaplin.

“But if they see the angle to it, as you see there’s no difference, they’ll get on board. It’s a great invention, for want of a better word.”

As anthropologists learn, watched animals eventually start to study their observers. As we talk of the whims and caprices which superstitious senior hurlers carry around in a lucky All Stars ‘98 bag, one joins us.

Meet Brendan Bugler – one of the Banner’s emerging crop of young talent. But today, he’s our crash test dummy. Curiosity pulls one of the builders who are working on constructing the club’s new gymnasium down the scaffold and we all head up to the pitch.

Bugler pulls on a helmet and our other volunteer, Conor Cooney, lunges at him with a traditionally-made hurley. Predictably, it’s axed in two, with one end spiralling into the air like an unleashed peg gun. The players look to us. Good job.

Then the Broadford man takes up Hurley2.0 and absolutely wears it off his inter-county friend. Somewhere in the county Sparrow Loughlin clangs his cutlery onto his lunch plate and senses something, somewhere, is wrong.

CRACK. The hurley snaps. (It reminds me of tent poles I’ve seen halved by falling fat guys, late at night, after the music has long ended at a festival). But the special spine holds it together safely. Good job.

Marsh is expecting the roofing business to stay quiet for anything up to a decade in this country. But he plans to go to Croke
Park chiefs with this clever, patent-pending innovation soon.
He might well see another boom then.

Contact adrian.russell@examiner.ie Twitter: @adrianrussell

Enquiries to Flan Marsh at 0872783922 or grainne.marsh@gmail.com. The hurleys cost the same as a normal one.

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THE neglected, rabbit-eared television set flickers high on the wall in the corner of the bar. Though ignored, Galway’s Joe Canning nervelessly taps over another free on a night in Semple Stadium that would ultimately see Cork slip quietly from the All-Ireland hurling championship.

It’s a typical Saturday evening in Dublin, as below the TV, revellers in a heaving Temple Bar hostelry swirl happily through the lounge and glassed smoking area. A trio of musicians feed the tourists a diet of Irish music to complement the half pints of cold Guinness, while colourful hen parties funnel through the swinging double doors.

At the bar, at the centre of what is an unusual cast of characters, uninterested in the televised action, is a Wexford senior GAA star (who has ‘hurled on Canning before’) – but is, at the moment, much more engaged in a very different sport.

Meet Stephen Nolan, a 23-year-old UCD graduate and Model County centre back (main pic, centre). The Faythe Harriers clubman is chief executive of Kama Lifestyles – a company with the stated aim of teaching Ireland’s men how to ‘attract and meet’ their opposite number – women.
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Wayne Gretsky, I’m sure, could well swing hurley if you pressed one into his hand. But I don’t know if ice hockey’s Ringy has any interest in Gaelic Games.

‘The Great One’, as he’s known in North America, came to mind this week, when reading of the GAA All-Ireland SFC launch, which was held below in Kerin’s O’Rahillys in Tralee.

With these set-piece affairs often serving up reheated quotes, RTE’s Ger Canning, admirably, nudged each of the provincial champions’ representatives for a fresh morsel of information. Coming from someone who turned up to interview Damien Duff with a Tomy Super Cup game under my arm and went shopping for a cricket bat before an appointment with Stephen Hunt, I appreciate the lengths taken in an attempt to get a less jaded perspective from sport’s best and brightest.

Canning enquired who Dublin’s Alan Brogan would sign in an open GAA transfer market? Like the schoolyard skipper, which I’m sure he often was, he quickly picked Kieran Donaghy, hurting the feelings of his own friends in the room.

Tyrone’s Stephen O’Neill opted for Colm Cooper – and said he’d drop himself pragmatically, while Michael Shields explained that with so many left-footed forwards in the Rebel set-up, a Steven McDonnell would be nice. No Paul Galvin pulling into Pairc Ui Rinn then before a grip-and-grin snap with the famous blood and bandages?

Micheal Quirke – a giant of a man who looks like he’s sent more than one defender into a blackhole in his time – insisted he’d like a time machine so he could whisk away a 25-year-old Darragh Ó Sé in the DeLorean passenger seat. (Although, you’d half expect one of the voices from the Lotto ads to ask: “But if you had a time machine…)

Mayo’s Trevor Mortimer, still obviously smarting from another Croke Park capitulation in the NHL final against Cork last month shrugged glumly and admitted that they need a few players to transform their fortunes, such as they are, this year. If it’s Roman Abromovich-like petro-dollars that are needed to bring the Sam Maguire to Mayo, surely Shell, with their local interest in the Corrib Gas Field will… what… what’s that? Okay, let’s not go there.

Gretzky, of course, was the subject of what is known stateside as ‘The Trade’. On August 9, 1988, the NHL was forever, they say, changed with the single stroke of a pen, a handshake and a clap of flashbulbs.

The Edmonton Oilers, with still-warm Stanley Cup win, signed an agreement that sent the Canadian national treasure and the greatest hockey player ever to address a puck, to the hapless Los Angeles Kings in a multi-player, multi-million dollar deal. So followed much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

To paraphrase the Simpsons’ Lionel Hutz, I don’t use the word “genius” very often, but Gretzky was the greatest genius in the history of ice hockey. And now, Canadians, not expecting their iconic son to ever cross the border without travellers’ cheques in his breast pocket, were faced with his permanent departure. Like Bertie wading in to the Saipan schism, MPs in Ontario demanded the transfer be blocked. News programmes began and finished with the story. The world kept turning, just a little slower in Canada. It was cold.

Meanwhile, in sunny Hollywood, Gretzky’s mere presence on the ice ensured the unfashionable sport was at last ready for its close-up. The spit-and-sawdust shop floor of pro hockey rolled out the red carpet to the likes of John Candy, Dustin Hoffman and Jack Nicholson who squeezed into the benches in the modest Forum Stadium in wrong-side-of-the-tracks Inglewood.

The deal knocked the wind out of an entire country and the truly heartbroken city of Edmonton in Alberta. But it placed a star-studded city right at the humble feet of a 27-year-old kid.

This is what happens when a slick of money washes over a national pastime. It’s fascinating to think what would happen if a delegate stood up last month in Newcastle, Co Down at the association’s annual congress, proposed the introduction of a transfer market, was supported by a wave of hands and – juslikeda! – the shutter went up on a new era of wheeling and dealing in our national games.

Joe Canning, I’m sure, would cost more than Fingers or Seanie Fitz. But a county like Dublin would like well to lure him to the bright lights of the east coast. Someone like Donal Og Cusack would circumvent the whole system and a Bosman would, overnight, be known as a Cusack. Transfer deadline day would see us watching Marty Morrissey for 12 hours juggling two mobiles as he tracks the progress of an SUV carrying Mattie Forde towards Mickey Harte’s house. Kansas, not in it, Toto, etc.

And what of the hyperbolic Greek tale of The Great One and The Trade? Gretzky married Janet Jones – star of Police Academy 5. But he never won another Stanley Cup. His old friends back in Edmonton rarely felt the Californian sun on their backs – but they won more titles together.

Gretzky cried an ice rink at his last press conference as an Oiler. And then he crossed the border.

The GAA never will, but it’s fun to imagine. Good question.

Contact: adrian.russell@examiner.ie Twitter: @adrianrussell



When the Dallas Cowboys blew up their old stadium recently, they placed inside a high-tech, 360-degree camera.

Turn up the sound.