Quotes of the year: rugby

“Horan… Wallace… Ireland in position … this must be it… this MUST be it for Ronan O’Gara… drop… at… goal… Grand Slam . . . at . . . stake… HE’S GOOOOOOT IIIIIT!!!!!!!! YES!,” Ryle Nugent. Love him or loath him; he cares more than when he was doing League of Ireland football coverage.

“Woohoooooo!” — Nugent’s colour man Tony Ward offers his analysis.

“No penalties,” pleads a shaky-sounding Ward, presumably looking skyward in supplication.

Half a second later: “Penalty to Wales” — Nugent, from under the desk.

“Sixty-one years awaiting, how sweet this moment is,” Ryle gushes after the nation realises Stephen Jones’ kick has dropped short. Great stuff.

“I thought I was going to have another Seamus Darby moment, deprived right at the death.” — Conor O’Shea, the Kerryman on the RTÉ panel, back in the studio. Darby would’ve made that kick.

“After the first two lineouts, I realised Gert must have taught the Irish guys some Afrikaans. They were counting with us before the ball was thrown in.” Springbok Victor Matfield reveals that Donncha O’Callaghan picked up more than Paul O’Connell during the lineout in South Africa.

“My eyes were streaming. I was furious. I would hate to get anyone cited and if someone hit me a dig in the jaw, I would take it and get on with the game. But not when someone goes for your eyes…” Stephen Ferris demonstrates rugby union separates the men from the boys, apart from Stade Francais and those pink shirts.

“I allowed my passion for the club to compromise my judgment. I ordered a blood substitution to be made using fake blood.” — Former Harlequins director of rugby Dean Richards, later banned for three years, admits his role in the ‘Bloodgate’ scandal.

“It’s pretty distressing talking about this. When you think about how much time people have put into my career and I have thrown it away.” — England and Bath prop Matt Stevens admits to failing a drugs test.

“We’re reaching a level where the players have got too big for their skill levels. They’ve become too muscle-bound and bulky. We’re getting to the point where we’re getting collisions, but not necessarily the entertainment. My hope is that coaches recognise that and we get a little bit smaller and faster and more skilful; that players win the space rather than the collision.” — Dr James Robson after the Lions’ extensive casualty rate in South Africa.

“You know, you lose your girlfriend and go out and have a drink and for the next 48 hours you are all right. Then you go home and your girlfriend’s not there and that’s when it starts to sink in.” Director of rugby Eddie Jones on troubled times at Saracens.

“Someone texted me saying he’s a bit like I used to be, but more athletic, funnier and better looking.” — Martin Johnson on new second row Courtney Lawes.

“I don’t blame Rog but when the ball came to him I was willing him to kick it out of the ground. I still think it’s incredible that we lost.” — Scottish lock and Lion Nathan Hines doesn’t blame Ireland’s Ronan O’Gara for his crucial cameo in the second test in South Africa, however.

“I like reading about the Kilkenny hurlers.” — Paul O’Connell reveals an admiration for the Cats.

“South Africa was insulted — who chose this man to do that to our anthem?” Peter de Villiers again fumes after Reggae singer Ras Dumisani makes a complete hash of the national anthem before a Test with France.

“Why don’t we all go to the nearest ballet shop, get some nice tutus and get some great dancing going on. No eye-gouging, no tackling, no nothing. Then enjoy.” — South Africa coach Peter de Villiers refuses to criticise his flanker Schalk Burger even after he was banned for eight weeks for gouging the eyes of British and Irish Lions winger Luke Fitzgerald.

“If the referee is not accurate we’ve got to put our hand up. We need to educate that referee and get him better because that scrummaging on Saturday was not up to international standard.” IRB refereeing coordinator Paddy O’Brien’s put-down to Australian official Stuart Dickinson after his efforts in the Italy v New Zealand Test in November.

“I’ve played for this team for the past 10 years and loved every minute of it. I love Leinster — it was a goal at the start of the year to win this competition. I wanted to do it before the end of my career and couldn’t have done it with a better bunch of friends.” — Brian O’Driscoll relishes Leinster’s Heineken Cup victory.

“I feel my role is over stated, I haven’t made a tackle all year.” Ireland coach Declan Kidney greets the news that he has been made IRB coach of the year