December 2009

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Harrington makes Major breakthrough
Anywhere else, Pádraig Harrington might have walked off the 18th green knowing his two shots that found the bottom of Barry Burn for double bogey had cost him the British Open.

The label of choker would rattle louder and he would not go on to win the USPGA and the Open again in the space of 13 months.

He wouldn’t be the Harrington we know today.

But at Carnoustie, calamity can — and probably will — strike at any time, and did, during the 2007 final round.

In a nail-bitting Sunday evening finish, Harrington delivered the fitting climax to a day that kept everyone guessing.

He took a two-shot lead to the final hole of a play-off, and still had to sweat out a three-foot bogey putt to beat Sergio Garcia.

He became the first Irishman in 60 years with his name on the famous claret jug and elevated himself to the elite status.

We don’t like cricket, we love it
Sometimes the sporting scriptwriters phone it in. Take a rag-tag bunch of amateur Irish cricket players, cast as the underdogs against the game’s elite at the World Cup in Jamaica.

It’s not Cool Runnings in whites, but Ireland’s breakthough performance in the game.

And in a delicious twist, the Blarney Army enjoyed their most famous win on St Patrick’s Day as the talismanic Trent Johnston hit to clinch victory over Pakistan.

Amazingly, the Irish went on to reach the Super Eights, and the sport in this country has taken long strides since.
Read the rest of this entry »

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“Horan… Wallace… Ireland in position … this must be it… this MUST be it for Ronan O’Gara… drop… at… goal… Grand Slam . . . at . . . stake… HE’S GOOOOOOT IIIIIT!!!!!!!! YES!,” Ryle Nugent. Love him or loath him; he cares more than when he was doing League of Ireland football coverage.

“Woohoooooo!” — Nugent’s colour man Tony Ward offers his analysis.

“No penalties,” pleads a shaky-sounding Ward, presumably looking skyward in supplication.

Half a second later: “Penalty to Wales” — Nugent, from under the desk.

“Sixty-one years awaiting, how sweet this moment is,” Ryle gushes after the nation realises Stephen Jones’ kick has dropped short. Great stuff.

“I thought I was going to have another Seamus Darby moment, deprived right at the death.” — Conor O’Shea, the Kerryman on the RTÉ panel, back in the studio. Darby would’ve made that kick.

“After the first two lineouts, I realised Gert must have taught the Irish guys some Afrikaans. They were counting with us before the ball was thrown in.” Springbok Victor Matfield reveals that Donncha O’Callaghan picked up more than Paul O’Connell during the lineout in South Africa. Read the rest of this entry »

Zidane loses his head
This was like a pitch for an old Clint Eastwood movie: a maverick cop is about to retire after a working life married to the badge. Here’s the rub: his last day at the office isn’t going to be uneventful.

Zidane — the brightest talent of his generation — already had a World Cup medal on the sideboard, a European Championship win, European Cups, Ballon d’Oors — enough baubles to decorate your Christmas tree essentially. But Zizou will forever now be remembered for his rash reaction to a Marco Matterazzi jibe as the world watched on in shock.

By scoring a seventh-minute penalty he had become only the fourth player in World Cup history to score in two different finals. However, in extra time in Berlin’s Olympic Stadium he headbutted the Italian defender in the chest. The flash of the referee’s red card sent the curtain falling on a glitterring career.

Italy, of course went on to win the penalty shoot-out 5–3. Aptly, he kept the Golden Ball award for best player at the tournament.

War of Attrition strikes gold at Cheltenham
Michael O’Leary heralds his airline’s obsession with arriving on time. His horse War Of Attrition clocked in early after little turbulence — stopping the stopwatch at 6min 31.7sec.

In the past 50 years only two Gold Cup winners have gone faster, Looks Like Trouble (6:30.3) six years previously and Norton’s Coin (6:30.9) in 1990.

In 2004 War Of Attrition left Cheltenham as a courageous loser, beaten a neck by Brave Inca in the Supreme Novice Hurdle. In 2006 however, he went one better than his old rival with victory in the Gold Cup, as Ireland’s dominance at the Cheltenham Festival reached unprecedented heights.

This success was the ninth at the meeting for an Irish-trained horse, and the 10th, Whyso Mayo, came in the next race, setting a new record. It was all very easy for jockey Conor O’Dwyer who settled his horse behind the early pace and moved towards the front of the race with about a mile left to run. The Celtic Tiger purred and Cheltenham’s Irish partied on.
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“You say to me that there is more to life than hurling. Well if you want to carry on like a fella who is not an inter-county hurler well then there will be more to life than hurling. Lots more. But there won’t be hurling. That’s the reality of it.” — Manager Brian Cody on the monk-like existence Kilkenny hurlers endure for their All-Irelands.

“Cop that. It’s different this time, boys.” — Kerry footballer Tadhg Kennelly, in his book ghost-written by an Australian journalist, on the high challenge on Cork’s Nicholas Murphy in the first moments of this year’s All-Ireland SFC final in Croke Park.

“On my solemn word, I did not and would never intentionally go out to hurt another footballer.” — Kennelly backtracks after a storm of public disapproval swirled around him after the book’s publication. Read the rest of this entry »

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“I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children.” Tiger Woods after engaging with a fire hydrant, a tree and half of the world’s female bar staff.

“After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf.” I’ve paid for a few expensive rounds in my time, but Woods rues one of the most expensive cocktails of all time.

“I have not been true to my values and the behaviour my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behaviour and personal failings behind closed doors with my family.” Woods — again — faces up to the reality of getting caught with his pants down.

“I would probably need to apologise to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a three iron.” Jesper Parnevik, who introduced Woods to his wife, offers some professional advice to his former au pair.

“If I could, I would take this f****** ball and shove it down your f****** throat.” Do you kiss your dad with that mouth Serena? One of the Williams sisters rants at a US Open line judge

“Slim dumps a small pile of powder on the coffee table. He cuts it, snorts it. He cuts it again. I snort some. I sit back on the couch and consider the Rubicon I’ve crossed.” Andre Agassi on fine-tuning his pre-match warm-up — taking crystal meth in the 90s. Didn’t we all?

“There was a typo in the book. I did math, not meth.” Agassi, joking about the sensation caused by his drug admission. It would have been more surprising to discover he was doing lines of algebra, to be honest. Read the rest of this entry »

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1 The Paul McGrath Award for best disappearing act: Kenny Egan
More used to jumping rope, Egan skipped off to New York at the end of February. The Olympic silver medal wining boxer caused quite a stir as Twitter lost one of it’s biggest proponents and the social diarists were missing a once-reliable cast member. The Dubliner eventually returned after missing an Irish team tournament with the USA, apologised and has since kept the head down.

2 The Waldorf and Stadler Award for bickering media pundits: Pat Spillane and Joe Brolly
We may have to give RTE’s GAA analysts an award each to avoid an argument. It was a summer of late tackles and dirty hits on the sofa as co-panellist Colm O’Rourke and his Meath team of the late 80s would have applauded. Like two old fellas on high stools, the debate was fairly incoherent and trivial: who is the team of the decade, Tyrone or Kerry? It started early in the season and was concluded, with Spillane grinning, when the Kingdom regained the upper hand in September.

3 The Podge and Rodge Prize in Recognition of Tact: Clare Balding
I’m not going to stick the boot in here. But… the words ‘stones’ and ‘greenhouses’ sprang to mind after the Grand National when the BBC’s racing presenter poked fun at winning jockey Liam Treadwell appearance. Sticking a mic in the poor guy’s face (at precisely the highest moment in his professional life) she demanded: “Give us a big grin to the camera. No, let’s see your teeth! He hasn’t got the best teeth in the world, but you can afford to go and get them done now if you like.” Stay classy, middle England.

4 Most Innocuous Question of the Year: Marty Morrissey

The beloved Banner broadcaster was left mopping the spittle from his impressive pate when he casually queried Brian Cody (after the Kilkenny manager saw his side seal a four-in-a-row, let’s remember) about that final-defining penalty call.
“I have no idea Marty. Did you check all the other frees to see if they were dodgy also?” Cody spat before continuing in that poisoned vein.
“Well Marty wont be buying the book after that,” Lyster chuckled afterwards from the comfort of behind the studio sofa.

5 Least Innocuous Question: Paul Kimmage
The contrarian journalist anmd former pro rider Paul Kimmage, who already has plenty of history with Lance Armstrong (“He is the cancer”) when he asked him a question about his disgraced former colleagues. “What is it about these dopers that you seem to admire so much?” said Kimmage. Armstrong responded at length and with chilling calmness.

6 Contingency Plan of the Year: Plan B
The national emergency plan saw half the country suffer for a fortnight under floods, sticking Leon Best up front for quarter of an hour didn’t reap rewards for Ireland against France in Dublin and going back into the jungle didn’t get Jordan back on track.
However, as Croker chiefs pressed the panic button and flashed a ‘GO TO PLAN B’ message which flashed across the big screen at HQ, the phrase entered our sporting lexicon.

7 The Bill Murray Award for Losing It In Translation: Tadhg Kennelly
To paraphrase George Bernard Shaw, Ireland and Australia are two countries divided by a common language. When Kennelly shoulder Cork’s Nicholas Murphy into the face in the All-Ireland Final in September he recounted the incident in his rushed-to-shops book.
“Cop that, it’s different this time boys”. It did not go down well.

8 The Frontline Heckler Award for Late Late Show performance: Donal Óg Cusack
The Cork hurling star got stuck in on his Late Late Show appearance to promote his ‘controversial’ new book. Ryan Tubridy, who looks like he’d blow away if he stood outside the dressing-room door as a Junior B team ran out, tried his luck at talking about hurling. Cusack thought him to stick to the lounge music and book clubs.

9 Oliver Reed for Drunken TV Appearance: Brendan Fevola

Readers here, and pub workers in Galway especially, may remember Brendan Fevola as the Aussie Rules player who was sent home from the 2006 International Rules Series after brawling with a barman.
This year Fevola made a holy show of himself at the Brownlow Medal ceremony — stumbling from guest to guest with a microphone and all-too-willing cameraman as he quizzed the game’s great and good.
The Carlton player has been fined $10,000 and told to “wake up to himself”. ‘Fev’ admitted he had no recollection of the events which also led him to being axed from the Footy Show on Channel Nine

10 The Boy George Question Award: Caster Semenya

In August Semenya won gold in the 800 meters at the world championships in Berlin. Immediately afterwards questions were raised about the South African’s gender. The row rumbles on; Semenya will be allowed to keep her medal and prize money no matter what. if not her privacy.

11 The Golden License Fee Award : RTÉ

The national broadcaster managed to miss one of the nation’s greatest sporting achievements this year. Olive Loughnane romped home, as they say, to take a silver medal in Berlin but we had to watch Brendan Foster interview the Galway girl for us as RTÉ didn’t have the rights to the world championships

12 The Stephen Ireland Award for Silly Vehicle Choice: Cliff Lee
Phillies pitcher Cliff Lee almost missed the first game of the World Series against the Yankees when he decided to take a cab uptown to the Bronx. Lee was stuck in a taxi at 5:45pm en route from his team’s Manhattan when the driver told him they were hopelessly stuck in traffic and it might take two more hours to get to the ballpark. Lee instructed the driver to find the nearest subway stop and negotiated two trains to make it to the mound on time.

13 The Milli Vanilli Special Mention (in recognition of claiming other’s work as your own): Noel Hunt
The Reading striker sparked a mini-controversy when he insisted he and not captain Robbie Keane — scored the equaliser for Ireland against Italy in Bari in April.

14 Best Outfit: Serena Williams
The younger Williams sister shook the cosy world of lawn tennis with a tight-fitting and cheeky “Are you looking at my titles?” t-shirt at a Wimbledon press-conference. New balls please.

15 Jedward Award for Attempted Singing: Tommy Bowe
The Ospreys man was hung out to dry by his Ireland teammates on Dame Street at their Grand Slam homecoming. Thinking he’d enjoy a chorus lines of championship-winning colleagues, instead they stood back and left him suffer through an in front of 17,000 fans on Dame Street.

This article first appeared in the Irish Examiner sports review supplement.

Dr. Emmett Brown: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour… you’re gonna see some serious shit.

After his winning goal at Anfield on Sunday, Arshavin goes back to the future to dump on Liverpool again.

The King grabs a quick snack after netting. Shaq hobbled a couple of chicken nuggets.

The Beerbelly

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Hello, sports fans! Do you feel unrefreshed while attending a big match? Want to party like it’s 1999, but not pay Celtic Tiger prices for a pint? Have a drink problem and don’t mind furtively guzzling warm beer through a hidden straw while in large crowds? Well, have I got a product for you!

The United States has brought the planet lots of world-changing inventions and innovations; from the mass-made automobile, the electric light bulb and the American Pie trilogy. Now, dropping into our lives like heat-seeking democracy from the US air force is the Beerbelly (around €35 at Beerbelly.com).

For readers planning to attend the Ireland footballers’ match with Australia (a nation rumoured to like a bevvie too, I understand) at Thomond Park in a few days time or Waterford’s All-Ireland SHC semi-final with the Cats at Croker this weekend, this is could be the purchase for you.

It’s a beer-storage device worn under your shirt that holds 80 ounces – or about three and a bit pints in old money; just hang The Beerbelly around your neck, fill her up and off you go.

The device is supposed to allow you to smuggle cool beer into a stadium, leaving you to sit comfortably in the stands supping down your favourite imported product like a contented sucky calf on a Connemara spring day.

The makers recommend “sneaking the dispensing spout out your fly.” Perfect; who in the Hogan Stand is going to ask you to share?

I road tested one, in the name of investigative journalism at a recent Ireland game game at Croke Park. This is what I learned: Read the rest of this entry »

The Irish Examiner sportsdesk chose their favourite books of the year for a piece in last Saturday’s newpaper.

Here’s my two picks:

Boys Will Be Boys: The Bad Boys Won: The Glory Days and Party Nights of the Dallas Cowboy Dynasty
Jeff Pearlman
Harper Collins

When the Dallas Cowboys opened up the sparkling, box-fresh Texas Stadium with a defeat of the New York Giants in September, it was the denouement to the Jerry Jones story. Boys will be Boys explains how it began.

Jones, an oil magnate (predictably) from the Lone Star State purchased America’s Team in the early 90s – a franchise who at that point seemed to have gone to the well once too often. Rising from the smouldering ashes of a car crash 1989 season they went on to win their first Superbowl in four years and produce a swashbuckling, confident dynasty that defined the NFL in the 90s.

But for a team who took care of business on Sundays, they played hard every other day too.
The tale opens with future hall of famer Michael Irvin stabbing a teammate in the neck with a barber’s scissors, and from there spirals out of control.

Massive investment from Jones – along with the expertise of coach Jimmy Johnson – brought unprecedented victories on the pitch. But four Superbowls success in the 90s was paralleled by off-field excess. Drugs, orgies, fights, marital infidelities, and, finally, that stabbing which punctured, at last, the years of wild living in the infamous ‘White House’ – a neighbourhood home the squad rented collectively to facilitate their partying.

Though the tale is punctuated by trips to strip clubs and cocaine arrests, the Shakespearean power struggle at the heart of the Cowboys story is as fascinating. While their team crumbled, owner Jones and manager Jimmy Johnson’s relationship descends into mis-trust, turf-battles and paranoia.

Written by Sports Illustrated writer Jason Pearlman – who previously depicted the beer-soaked tales of the womanising, vandalising ’86 New York Mets who claimed an unlikely World Series win in The Bad Guys Won, he has stuck to a winning formula. With a rainbow of colourful characters, this book is as hard-hitting – and fun- as the team it depicts so well.

The Beckham Experiment
Grant Wahl
Crown Books

A typical football book – particularly one of the game’s superstars – might be cracked open by a reader with some reservations about its journalistic merit. Not this one.

When David Beckham’s LA Galaxy lost the MLS Cup final on penalties to Real Salt Lake City last week a gaggle of reporters hopped open the locker-room door, strode in and asked a half-dressed Beckham for his reaction. This is American sports media.

If Beckham is now used to the underpants-revealing admittance the newspaper men receive in the States, he wasn’t when his LA Story began.

Sports Illustrated’s Grant Wahl slipped behind the velvet rope to earn unprecedented access to Goldenball’s life and the weird marriage of Hollywood and sport that this deal was.

Beckham’s foray into the United States was engineered by entertainment conglomerate AEG, which owns the Galaxy, and the former English captain’s first season in the US was scarred by disappointment, manipulation and disaster – on the field at least.
Wahl sketches a dressing room full of European journeymen, Californian surf dudes on 25k a year and America’s favourite son Landon Donovan all under the eccentric management of hirsute red-head and US legend Alexi Lalas.

Donovans’s unwavering criticism in this book of the new signing – that Beckham took the skipper’s armband, wouldn’t pick up tabs in restaurants and wasn’t committed to the Galaxy – are said to have produced a new resolve at the Home Depot Arena and sparked this season’s charge for the playoffs.

Though now part of the story, The Beckham Experiment offers the fullest picture yet of the growth of US soccer, the business of sport and Beckham’s role as a Hollywood leading man.

Anyone have their own recommendations?

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French champions Perpignan will bring an explosive physicality to Thomond Park tomorrow night as Munster get back to Heineken Cup rugby, but flanker David Wallace thinks brains may trump brawn in Limerick.

Munster have lost four from eight matches in the Magners League and were defeated in their opening European game in Northampton.

Now the Irish international has demanded that the Reds learn the lessons of a collapse to the Ospreys in Wales last week to get their stuttering season back on track.

“Perpignan are big strong, physical guys too and if you run into the teeth of them it’s going to be very dangerous. We have to be cuter in where we play them. And I suppose we have to be hyper-efficient at the breakdown and have a great sense of urgency.”

Read the rest here

Alive and kicking

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Walk Into Winter, Aztec Camera

I spent some of my day in Thomond Park at the Munster press briefing ahead of their crucial Heineken Cup game with Perpignan on Friday night in Limerick.

Before the press conference I watched, from the stands, as Ronan O’Gara took some kicking practice on his own. After a period of poor kicking, by his standards, he looked – to my untrained eye – to be back to his metronomic reliability.

With a mere six minutes left the big showdown at the weekend between the league-leading Lakers and the Miami Heat, the Lakers were up by nine points. Then, however, Dwyane Wade single-handedly brought the Heat back and even helped them take the lead with under 30 seconds left. But then our man Kobe checked in.

With Wade wrapped all over him, down two points, in the Staples Center, Bryant shoots an amazing off-balance, fade-away three-pointer to win it. It’s pretty epic stuff.

I’m fascinated by the ongoing Tiger Woods story and the epic PR disaster that grows more damaging by the hour.

Thank god, however, for this piece of journalism which aired in China, apparently. The Irish Examiner will use the same technology for the next Cork strike.